How wonderful is it that I
can be happy without having to use drugs or drink alcohol to achieve it? I
mean, how much more of a miracle could I ever ask for, to be able to go to bed
grateful, and rise just as overwhelmed with gratitude, if not more? I used to
believe I couldn't experience anything without being high. I would use abusing
drugs as my excuse to feel more passion; the passion could be negative, could
be positive, it was just more, intense,
I would tell myself.
I couldn't ever imagine or picture myself being able to feel the things I felt when I was high, while sober. I was not only addicted to the narcotics, but to the emotions that came with them, both high and low. I actually believed I enjoyed getting drunk and listening to bleak songs on my iPod, sniveling to myself until I passed out. Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I didn't think there was any fun to be had listening to joyous music without being under the influence. I thought, who on earth could have as good a time as the people popping bottles and getting wasted at the club? There's no way, as a sober individual, I can reach those heights!
It’s astonishing how much of an error I made with that assumption. While I was correct in stating it’s impossible to reach those levels, I am constantly baffled, every single day, at how much HIGHER of heights I have rocketed to living without drugs and alcohol.
I took a shower this morning, and I shaved my face. I even brushed my teeth. And as the rivulets of condensation trickled down the mirror, slowly clearing the way for my reflection to come through, drop by drop, I had to smile, because for the first time in fourteen years, I knew the face looking back at me! And I had to continue smiling, because those seemingly insignificant chores, like bathing, and grooming, used to be monumental tasks that, for more than a decade, were a struggle for me to do. Days could pass without me cleaning my person. But today, and every day, I get myself together to face the world.
I had a one track mind, and that one track was for booze and drugs. My depression, coupled with addiction, made it grueling to even speak to people. I had to be high to go outside the house. I had to be drunk to answer the phone, or find the energy to dress myself. But not anymore.
I am so high on life, it’s crazy.
I couldn't ever imagine or picture myself being able to feel the things I felt when I was high, while sober. I was not only addicted to the narcotics, but to the emotions that came with them, both high and low. I actually believed I enjoyed getting drunk and listening to bleak songs on my iPod, sniveling to myself until I passed out. Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I didn't think there was any fun to be had listening to joyous music without being under the influence. I thought, who on earth could have as good a time as the people popping bottles and getting wasted at the club? There's no way, as a sober individual, I can reach those heights!
It’s astonishing how much of an error I made with that assumption. While I was correct in stating it’s impossible to reach those levels, I am constantly baffled, every single day, at how much HIGHER of heights I have rocketed to living without drugs and alcohol.
I took a shower this morning, and I shaved my face. I even brushed my teeth. And as the rivulets of condensation trickled down the mirror, slowly clearing the way for my reflection to come through, drop by drop, I had to smile, because for the first time in fourteen years, I knew the face looking back at me! And I had to continue smiling, because those seemingly insignificant chores, like bathing, and grooming, used to be monumental tasks that, for more than a decade, were a struggle for me to do. Days could pass without me cleaning my person. But today, and every day, I get myself together to face the world.
I had a one track mind, and that one track was for booze and drugs. My depression, coupled with addiction, made it grueling to even speak to people. I had to be high to go outside the house. I had to be drunk to answer the phone, or find the energy to dress myself. But not anymore.
I am so high on life, it’s crazy.
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